[1/10/17] Federal grants awarded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) bankrolled studies to discover that fraternity brothers like to drink, that “Jaws” is a scary movie, that little girls like Barbie dolls and that most people generally fear pain at the dentist.
These and other taxpayer-funded academic studies were highlighted Tuesday in Sen. Jeff Flake’s newly-released Wastebook, which said “the studies highlighted here are not finding solutions to drinking-related problems, but simply retelling what is already widely known about Greek life. As they say at the frat house, ‘cool story, bro.’”
Many of the studies exposed by the Arizona Republican assumed that finding seemingly precise numbers for things that are already commonly known somehow increases the quality of life of the nation’s 360 million residents.
But wait, there is more!
A $5 million grant from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) funded a study that found college students drink more when there is a football game and that members of fraternities drink more than non-Greeks.
The study also found that Greeks slept later, but the Brown University researcher conducting the research speculated that it’s because they “recognize their sleep needs and make sleep hygiene a priority.”
The study further discovered that most college students play beer pong, citing their discovery that the most common underlying motive of drinking games is to “get drunk.” Other discoveries included the fact most students don’t like it when alcohol made people start “fights for no reason” or say “stupid things.”